{"id":1150,"date":"2009-09-01T18:15:59","date_gmt":"2009-09-02T00:15:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/?p=1150"},"modified":"2009-09-01T18:15:59","modified_gmt":"2009-09-02T00:15:59","slug":"divisiveness-in-community-models-troubled-family-system","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/?p=1150","title":{"rendered":"Divisiveness in community models troubled family system"},"content":{"rendered":"

Did you see your story on the front page? I got this question many times
\nthis week after a Perrier story I wrote was picked up by the <\/span>Wisconsin State<\/span><\/em>
\n<\/span>Journal<\/span><\/em> on Wednesday.<\/p>\n

I have been following this issue since day one here in the Dells. I remember
\nwriting the first story about an international water bottling company
\nconsidering a plant in the little community of Big Spring in New Haven
\ntownship.<\/p>\n

The issue quickly divided the local community and one result was the removal
\nof town chairman Ed Coon. In the wake of that, combined with other related
\nstress, the entire New Haven town board changed as its members quit.<\/p>\n

It is not my intention to come down on one side or the other in this
\ncontroversy. As a journalist I have an obligation to report news fairly in a
\nbalanced manner, giving all sides the opportunity to speak and reporting
\nfacts.<\/p>\n

But there is one thing I would like to address here – that is the pain I
\nwitness in the community as a result of the Perrier debate. I have heard
\nmany people say the issue split the community in two and things will never
\nbe the same.<\/p>\n

There is a lesson here. It\u00b9s one that’s repeated over and over as differing
\nopinions and feelings about almost any issue can polarize people in a group
\nfor and a group against – the classic “us and them” stance.<\/p>\n

“Us and them” is one of several models of family dysfunction. In studying
\nfamily therapy and family systems, I learned in this model members of a
\nfamily function in a world where no one outside the family is trusted.<\/p>\n

It is, of course, difficult for a child growing up in such a system to
\nindividuate – develop his or her own life and personality. The natural
\nmovement of a child is to grow up and away from the parental nest, forming
\nhis or her own opinions and understanding that one’s parents are not always
\nright about everything. They may even be flawed in some important ways.<\/p>\n

In this dysfunctional system any member’s movement away from the “us and
\nthem” family is interpreted as a betrayal and is not tolerated. The extreme
\nof this can be illustrated by the television mafia family, “The Sopranos.”<\/p>\n

It is challenging for a therapist to work with a family operating in this
\nsystem. The success rate is understandably low since the therapist
\ndefinitely starts out as one of “them.” But it is possible to begin to break
\nthe rule of not trusting anyone outside the family. The therapist might be
\nthe first outside person to be given tentative trust. The next challenge for
\na therapist is to avoid the trap of becoming one of the inside circle,
\njoining the family in “us and them.”<\/p>\n

This is a community challenge, too. New Haven is only one example. Another
\nis the anger of many against all Muslims following 9\/11.<\/p>\n

It takes effort to see the person behind the dogma, behind the assumptions,
\nto see the common humanity of all.<\/p>\n

Once I had a chance to talk to an exiled Tibetan man in Santa Fe when he
\ncame to clean my carpet. I will never forget what this rather ordinary man
\nsaid when I asked him how he felt about the Chinese who had overrun his
\ncountry. He replied with a comment about the Chinese as individuals, “They
\nare people trying to seek happiness too, like everybody.”<\/p>\n

There is a way to agree to disagree and still have respect, even love, for
\nanother at the same time. A parent does it when disciplining a child, with
\nthe message “I love you, I don’t like what you’re doing.”<\/p>\n

I know many, maybe most, of the people in New Haven and surrounding
\ncommunities are doing their best to heal the split. There are also people
\nthrougout the country working in a similar way on issues that divide us as a
\nnation.<\/p>\n

Albert Einstein said it like this, “Any intelligent fool can make things
\nbigger, more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a
\nlot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.”<\/p>\n

\n<\/span>Sept. 21, 2002<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Did you see your story on the front page? I got this question many times this week after a Perrier story I wrote was picked up by the Wisconsin State Journal on Wednesday. I have been following this issue since day one here in the Dells. I remember writing the first story about an international […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1150"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1152,"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions\/1152"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rockaria.net\/bluebirdprairie\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}