Did you see your story on the front page? I got this question many times
this week after a Perrier story I wrote was picked up by the Wisconsin State
Journal on Wednesday.
I have been following this issue since day one here in the Dells. I remember
writing the first story about an international water bottling company
considering a plant in the little community of Big Spring in New Haven
township.
The issue quickly divided the local community and one result was the removal
of town chairman Ed Coon. In the wake of that, combined with other related
stress, the entire New Haven town board changed as its members quit.
It is not my intention to come down on one side or the other in this
controversy. As a journalist I have an obligation to report news fairly in a
balanced manner, giving all sides the opportunity to speak and reporting
facts.
But there is one thing I would like to address here – that is the pain I
witness in the community as a result of the Perrier debate. I have heard
many people say the issue split the community in two and things will never
be the same.
There is a lesson here. It¹s one that’s repeated over and over as differing
opinions and feelings about almost any issue can polarize people in a group
for and a group against – the classic “us and them” stance.
“Us and them” is one of several models of family dysfunction. In studying
family therapy and family systems, I learned in this model members of a
family function in a world where no one outside the family is trusted.
It is, of course, difficult for a child growing up in such a system to
individuate – develop his or her own life and personality. The natural
movement of a child is to grow up and away from the parental nest, forming
his or her own opinions and understanding that one’s parents are not always
right about everything. They may even be flawed in some important ways.
In this dysfunctional system any member’s movement away from the “us and
them” family is interpreted as a betrayal and is not tolerated. The extreme
of this can be illustrated by the television mafia family, “The Sopranos.”
It is challenging for a therapist to work with a family operating in this
system. The success rate is understandably low since the therapist
definitely starts out as one of “them.” But it is possible to begin to break
the rule of not trusting anyone outside the family. The therapist might be
the first outside person to be given tentative trust. The next challenge for
a therapist is to avoid the trap of becoming one of the inside circle,
joining the family in “us and them.”
This is a community challenge, too. New Haven is only one example. Another
is the anger of many against all Muslims following 9/11.
It takes effort to see the person behind the dogma, behind the assumptions,
to see the common humanity of all.
Once I had a chance to talk to an exiled Tibetan man in Santa Fe when he
came to clean my carpet. I will never forget what this rather ordinary man
said when I asked him how he felt about the Chinese who had overrun his
country. He replied with a comment about the Chinese as individuals, “They
are people trying to seek happiness too, like everybody.”
There is a way to agree to disagree and still have respect, even love, for
another at the same time. A parent does it when disciplining a child, with
the message “I love you, I don’t like what you’re doing.”
I know many, maybe most, of the people in New Haven and surrounding
communities are doing their best to heal the split. There are also people
througout the country working in a similar way on issues that divide us as a
nation.
Albert Einstein said it like this, “Any intelligent fool can make things
bigger, more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a
lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.”
Sept. 21, 2002