I always liked the way Scott Peck started his book “The Road Less Traveled.” He quotes the Buddhist first noble truth, “Life is difficult.” I have been doing some reading lately along these lines and it has me thinking about happiness and sorrow and how the distribution of these two things seems so arbitrary and unfair.
Sometimes the “best” people seem to get the toughest luck, and bad luck can run in bunches. Others seem to live out their lives charmed with plenty of money, interesting work, a good marriage and healthy kids.
Still, I know even those who seem blessed suffer sorrow and loss. All relationships end if only by the death of the loved one. Dashed hopes and disappointments come to everyone.
I never thought I would spend my late 50s writing for a little paper in Wisconsin Dells and living with my aging Dad. I always thought I would be still married, glorying in grandchildren and looking forward to retirement with a hubby at my side. The blessings of this time of my life are abundant, but not what I had expected. It was John Lennon who said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
I noticed an announcement in the Portage paper for new support meetings starting up in Reedsburg for those going through divorce.
Even though I have been divorced (twice, if truth be told) for many years, I still remember the pain and agony of ending a supposedly permanent relationship. It felt like the epitome of bum deals. Marriage was supposed to be a refuge, a buffer between me and the rest of the world, not the cause of almost unbearable pain. Add children’s pain to that and the unbearable part approaches the critical point. I remember often the only thing that kept me going at those times was the realization that my children needed me.
“Life is difficult.” Yet we are always thrown for a loop when it is and there’s no time off for good behavior.
But this noble truth is the BEGINNING of Peck’s book and it’s the FIRST noble truth. It is a starting point to help us see that the world does not owe us anything, and we can go on from there.
So what, exactly, is the point? Buddhists would say we all have a “Buddha nature” within that is like Buddha who found enlightenment meditating under a Bodhi tree-the ability to be at peace with how things really are—good or bad, painful or ecstatic. In addition we all have the opportunity, despite it all, to further peace and harmony in the world around us. Christians say Jesus told us we can all be like him, an example of unconditional love and spiritual peace.
Every day we have choices about how we will behave and how we will treat others. When I counseled people going through painful relationships, perhaps trying to decide whether to end it, I used to say, “Love is not something you feel, it is something you do.”
Whatever decisions we make, whether in our own best interests or those of others, if we come from a loving place, I don’t think we can go wrong. That includes a loving perspective towards ourselves.
I ran across this quote from Lao Tsu; a good one, I think: “I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the source of being. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate towards yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.”
Jan. 12, 2002